Am I There Yet

Never Have I Ever

2009-05-26T11:15:00.001-04:00

I laid in the bed. My body was weak. I was exhausted. Weary from a busy day, I just laid there.

In front of me, as I lay, stand two tall ajar windows dressed with sheer translucent curtains that let in the soft moonlight. They welcomed a coolly temperate and subtle breeze that comforted me.

An atmosphere of near silence filled the bedroom with the occasional sound of my body moving around in the sheets and head on the pillowcase.

To my back were sensual silent kisses on my neck, a strong arm around my body whose hands interlocked with mine, legs that entangled my own, a scent that was relaxing, and a heartbeat felt in two places. One beat felt soft and the other had a more firm feel. They were both experienced in a slowly increasing rhythm, which became in sync with mine.

I was led to turn around to witness an eager pair of lips with a desire of good company. I ushered my mouth to accompany those lips. My tongue was visited by another that created a party.

Garments were shed and tossed, and sheets were no longer neatly arranged. We rolled about, to and fro, and back and forth for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, our lips were unlocked.

Gazing to each others' eyes, while gently embracing faces, I was rolled over carefully not to disturb the mood. My legs spread, cheeks separated I muffled a moan. An outcry, an alert of pleasure briefly filled the room as my insides were being discovered.

Heavy breathing, I couldn't take it. Heart racing and body response led me to believe the sheets were probably saturated with precum. I turned away and looked down at the end of the bed. In the dark I saw satiation and satisfaction.

I draw in my sight to see his uncovered member; the second massive heartbeat. It was beautiful. I greeted his member with my throat upon the initial entrance. Utterance of enjoyment rang in my ears. I continued in acknowledgement of his enjoyment.

Up and down, licking all around his dick, his body went to squirming. His hands positioned behind my head massaging what felt like my entire throat. It was long, thick and smooth! It glided down so easily, and repeatedly. He pumped and pumped until my lips met the base if his dick hiding his 10 or 11 inch dick. Damn it was good.

Never have I ever had a big ass dick fill my mouth and slide down my throat like that! Never have I ever sucked a completely smooth dick! I can't wait to do it again! Did I mention the story isn't over?

To be continued...

Scattered...

2009-05-13T20:24:00.001-04:00

I guess I'm goin thru it lately... I reminisced with this one...

Mariah Carey - We Belong Together
Uploaded by antonio_montana_ - See the latest featured music videos.

Last Night I Remembered...

2009-05-11T09:13:00.002-04:00

I pictured your face when I would hold you on the couch
I thought of how you used to hold me in the bed
I loved the way you used to love me
I enjoyed when we walked in the village
I embraced the kisses we shared
I wondered if you feeling the same as I
I imagined you and I picture perfect in a frame
I contemplated a new beginning
I rejected the entrance into a repeated situation
I flashed back to the way things used to be
I wanted to cry again when I saw the end of our glee
I laid in the bed next to a man
I received the affection and care he gave
I accepted the offer for possible life
I denied silently to myself living in the present
I embraced the idea of us instead of him
I rolled over pillow in hand
I desired you and me together once again

Last Night I Remembered You And Me Together!

I said I'd be back, right?

2009-05-08T08:16:00.002-04:00

I got a phone call asking me "what's good?" and responded, "I'm good!" Conversation was entertained, flirts were passed back and forth, then a meeting place was negotiated. We were both hungry and wanted some food. Reluctantly, we met up at this nearby McDonald's. It was kinda close to my crib and I knew someone that was working there so I didn't wanna be showing up meeting some random dude that wanted the dick. Even so, that's where we met!

I ordered my number 1. You all know what a numba 1 is right? The fat asses shout at once, "A BIG MAC MEAL!" I started eating and finished before he got there. I said I was hungry, did you really think I was going to wait? Uhhhh nahhhh... So, he got there and ordered whatever. I wasn't paying attention to what he ordered! I was paying attention to him while he was ordering! That fitting shirt wit the faded skinny jeans sagged just right. Giving evidence of a fatty. I mean he coulda had baggy sweats and I still woulda seen the fatty, that's just how big it was! Mesmerized by the booty, I didn't even notice him turn around and start walking my way. We greeted, the hand slap peace up kinda greet and sat.

After he finished eating and my many day dreams about sliding in that ass, we started the flirty convo again. His leg started to touch mine and my leg started rising. Then, my leg started rising (hehe)! And still I rise! Moving on, lol, I had to pee and he followed me into the bathroom. I did what it do and washed my hands. He came up behind me kissing on my neck. I'm in the McDonald's bathroom what the hell is he thinking? But it did feel good tho! I allowed him to continue... and continue... and continue... then I continued my ass to the door to lock ourselves in. What was getting ready to happen in this McDonald's bathroom? We were hot together and together we realized that half of our clothes have already been removed or forcefully taken off! I'm on the sink legs raised with my asshole holding his tongue as he tried to reach my prostate! I musta missed that tongue at the table, but HOT DAMN!!! I got off of the sink and bent him over on the sink. I wasn't trying to get my tong that deep, I wanted to open him up and hear him moan!

Yea, I got my moan alright! I got up and started grinding my dick right next to his hole. The head of my dick now had his ass juices and my leftover spit from that ass licking on it. I wanted to go in so badly... I didn't. I whispered and told him I couldn't. With a pouting voice, kinda cute actually, asked, "why?" I told him... he stopped moving... Laid there over the sink, he was still. The bathroom was still! No movement... until he just backed that ass up swallowing my dick up in his ass. I cried out in a muffled moan, trying not to make noticeable noise! He laid bent over the sink wit my dick in his ass with no further movement. My dick was throbbing. I wanted to pump it, damn I wanted a go in that ass! He started backin that fat booty on my dick and went to work. He swiped that card and put in his whole 40 hours into about 45 minutes of my holding those shoulders, grabbing that neck, pressed against the wall, on the floor, over the toilet, on the toilet and finally back at the sink is where I pushed the nut outta his dick. He painted me a picture on the mirror. The best painting I've seen in a long time!

We left the bathroom and there is a guy waiting there with a WTF look on his face. I really could care less, but when I turned around, he was still looking but he had that look I know what just went on and I liked it!

I love McDonald's! I really got the extra value outta my Extra Value Meal! That shit was worth it! Now, I want two apple pies! Anybody wanna go wit me to pick them up?

Back From The Dead

2009-05-07T14:19:00.002-04:00

That's a bad sense of words, so i'm gonna knock on wood right now! It's been a real good min since i even decided to log on to even check email, let alone blog. Here's why. i've been receiving hate mails, and other things have been said to me from a couple of people who were in communications with you other bloggers and I got the feeling i was wearing out my welcome. So i deuced it out and said I wouldn't come back. I logged in to gmail to get the address for someone i wanted to talk to and I saw an email from someone saying they was a fan of my blog and asked why I stopped blogging! I thought to continue on... cause in deed, I'm not there yet!

Just a lil update, I'm single now. I'm not feeling it. Not at all! But I'm like liberated or something! I can do whatever I want and not need to worry about getting caught! But there is nobody to come home to. There's a repetitive pattern of promiscuity that was born to satisfy my need for sex, but nothing to satiate my emotional needs. I never been an emotional kinda guy but hey now I am! That's all you get for now...

I'll be back with something just a bit more my speed. You, who have been reading since my beginning, know what I'm talking about. I'm back and I dont think I'm leaving this time...

Nigga who? Nigga wha?

2008-11-05T14:50:00.002-05:00

So yea... ummm me and dude was freakin, having some me and him time. We are suckin, licking, rubbing, caressing, and 69ing. We are getting the shit in official style. I mean I was ready to pop a few wit him. He's been good to me and treatin me real nice so I wanted to give him a reward! He was feelin it and his body was responding in all of the right ways. He was giving me all that I wanted and needed so I give him what I felt he deserved, a whole night of fucking!

I lube him up real well with this nice stuff I paid a pretty penny for and he squirmed and squirmed and continued to moan. He wanted the dick and made it known! He took my hand out and pointed to my dick and said, "Gimme Dat"! I grabbed the condom and slid my dick in the eager booty. Like butter! Nice and warm, silky smooth! That thrust was all that I needed to give him my first gift. I held back and went slow until I could contain and control myself. I got into it, really into it! Ohhh he wants it and I was giving it to him! I lean in and get into missionary position and he whispers with passion, "FUCK THIS PUSSY NIGGA!"

Pussy? Nigga? I'll end this right here, to be continued...

Scheming

2008-10-25T09:36:00.000-04:00

Just when you thought I was finished...

I think this is the end...

2008-10-14T09:24:00.002-04:00

After revealing what all has happened to me, after experiencing life publicized, and after coming into the light of myself I think it is time that I end this blog.

I've gone through so many things and experienced so many events. I have realized that life is more than me. The world doesn't revolve around me. I've finally come to that realization. Dude and I are still together and probably will stay together. I was in talks with a friend of mine that knew the situations I was dealin with. He said that all of that stuff with the clearly open relationship and allowing anybody in it for our sexual pleasures wouldn't work. It didn't. There was a huge blow up and well let's say that we are keeping to ourselves.

I'm a one man's man. I'm going to remain faithful. The thrill is no longer there and I have no desire to seek additional thrills! So, from now on, its him and I.

I'm not going to officially end the blog, but I am going to cease posting indefinitely. Who knows someday I will come back to it... Thanks to all the advice that I have received and to all the bloggers who have read and commented. I may be around. I think this is the end... Am I There Yet?

I really didn't expect this!

2008-08-29T17:04:00.003-04:00

Most of us go to work and do what it does. Then, we come back home. We take it down. Watch the game. Smoke a blunt, whatever we wanna do. Today, I came home, slightly more tired than usual. Most likely due to lack of sleep. I was expecting my dude to be there to cut my hair. Getting a haircut always relaxes me. What surprised me was coming next...

I'm getting my hair cut and he mentions that he has two friends coming over. Eyes open. "Okay!" He asks whether I was okay with that. "It's cool!" I was skeptical about the whole thing. He's never invited friends over before! This was a raised eyebrow for me. I let him finish cutting my hair before I brought up anything else. I didn't want to be a patch head!

I asked where are they were from. He replied old friends from college. I asked why they were coming over. He said to chill. I asked should I change into something better. He said I was good just go get the hair off your face. I was beginning to be aggravated! He was answering my questions but not giving me any details! Dammit, I want details!

The night went on and the guests arrived. The night went further and DVD after DVD left the player. Bag and bag of pop corn was popped. Drinks were drank and blunts were rolled. I was tired at the early hours of the morning! I had to be at work early, in like about 6 hours. I drifted off for what seemed like a lifetime but was only 10 minutes. I woke up and a movie was watching myself and one of Dude's friends. That is only two. I thought where the other two were. Before I could answer my own question, dude said they're in the back gettin it on, did I wanna join!

WHAT!?!

How the fuck am I missin out on sex my own damn crib wit my own damn BF? I went to see for myself! I stood in the door way and Ohhh Myyyy Goodness! I stood there and watched and My dick got stiffly brick! I came back to the living room and told the guy that I'll be joining them. he followed me to the back room. We joined. I started suckin Guy 1's dick. It was thick and about 10 inches thick and cut. It was straight, no curves and brown as a crayola crayon! Mmmmm It taste good. I thought why did it taste like a Jolly Rancher? That made me want it even more! I love Jolly Ranchers! He stood about 5'9" or 10" and was a between an average and medium build. I little hair here and there...

Guy 2 was about 5'8" at the tallest. His dick was small. maybe about 6.5 or 7 inches at the longest. Thin, and not a mouthful at all. His dick was dry! It had no flavor! It was not enjoyable at all. His body was tight though. Slim, light brown to a caramel shade. and a phenomenal kisser.

I guess let me tell you what dude looks like. Y'all gonna be mad when you hear this. He's about 6'1" muscular build, yellow skinned. Hot! He's got a real nice bubble that I wanna pop. He is about 9 or 9.5 perfect cut with a slight curve. His dick has mass and a signature tattoo on on top. He tells me to cover his tattoo and he'll coat my throat! It holds true every time! He likes his dick sucked for sure. You'd swear that I was eatin his ass by how he moans and groans! Anyway moving back into the scene...

We do a lil shift and I'm getting my dick sucked and i'm suckin someone's dick that's eating someone's ass. There's so much switching and its dark at this point because the TV was turned off. My cheeks were parted and someone started to tongue fuck me. My dick was leaking! I was turned on for real for real! Somehow I believe I became the focus. Everyone was doing something to me. I had a mouth on my dick, a dick in my ass and one in my mouth! I know who's dick I was sucking! I covered that tattoo and I got me a surprise! That dick can milk for days! I don't get it! Nut after nut!

The only light came from the alarm clock saying 3am. I didn't care. I was enjoying my damn self! before I knew it, I was being turned over. I was loving this. The smaller dick was first and then the bigger dick came (Guy 2, then Guy 1). Guy 1 was workin that rod! he jammed and made me jump up on my dudes dick and well you know I covered that tattoo again! I choked that time!
My mouth needed a break! Besides, I had to concentrate on makin Guy 1's dick feel good! I wasn't eligible for a break! My dude put his dick back in my mouth! Turn on! I busted when he did that! That dick in my ass and his aggressiveness. he was giving man and in control right then. I tried to control my jaw while my dick released on the sheets.

My body was everybody else's and no longer my own. It was the property of my bf and his friends. I lost 3 nuts that morning, and swallowed 3! I crawled into the shower. Tried to clean up so I can get into bed and get some sleep. My dude comes into the shower with me. He cleans me up a lil bit. He gets behind me and slides his dick in! One more time! I held on to the shower wall. I beat and beat. The water hitting my back and dripping to my head. I was high on sex! I hadn't yet had his dick before now and he said he needed some ass. He said he's not gonna stop tell I bust a nut. I beat and beat. All I thought was I'm gonna be here for awhile. He pulled out and turned me around and laid me down in the shower and put it in missionary. Legs up, that's the way I like to fuck! He pumped for I guess 15 minutes and I let one out. He pulled out and took the condom off and put it in my mouth one more time! Just deep throat it 2 times he told me and I swallowed that 4Th nut.

He said everyone was cool, everyone loved my ass. I looked at him and before I could finish he said everyone used rubbers. I finished my shower and collapsed into the bed. I just wanted my hair cut. I really didn't expect this!

Its been a min!

2008-08-21T13:33:00.002-04:00

Sorry I been off the radar, shorty and I went on a vacation. One of those we need to work on us and see where we are kind of vacations. We went to Miami and chilled. We did a bit of sight seeing and did many of the beaches there. We really did enjoy ourselves there and might go back depending on if he can get time off. I've got plenty of vacation days, so I'm good!

I wrote the previous post in efforts to place myself in a particular place. I was hoping that if I mentioned in and released it in the open, then it would come to pass. I wrote and posted this hours before I decided to take some "us" time. I had high hopes for a change but I was somewhat unsure what exactly was going to be changed.

We talked about how I'm a whore and how I get around to this one, that one, and another. We talked about how he never talks. I asked him what he really thought about me being a whore! Don't think for a second that I didn't fly up and set off an argument on that comment! We was yelling and screaming for probably 2 hours. I was surprised that hotel security didn't come up to the room! He admitted to feeling some sort of way about be fuckin every little thing that walks on by shakin his ass. He followed by saying that when I'm not home, outside of work hours, he knows I'm fuckin. He asked me why do I fucked around when I have him waiting around when I get back. I told him I like having sex is all! Dick and ass is great!

Insert kicker here! He said he didn't want me havin random hookups with people while he is still with me. That had to stop! I said Fuck no! He was content with it before now there's a change of heart with no warning! you can't just expect me to keep my dick in my pants all of a sudden! What the hell kinda logic is that shit? There sparks another argument (not as long this time)! After calming down just a bit, he brought in the idea of letting him in on the fun! I thought! Boyfriend, in addition to whoever else, equals fun! I liked this idea! So we agreed on whenever I would get the urge to have sex with someone, he had to be there. I was satisfied and he was too!

I can't wait till I find a fine dick, with some tasty cakes, and I'm gonna have an erotic post to type when that happens! Look out for the next one!

Almost

2008-08-05T11:13:00.002-04:00

At wits end, I'm determined
At the very beginning, I'm motivated
The sky was dark and heavy to hold
Brought to my knees pushing and struggling
Looking up rendering my most to be bold
I tried and tried or maybe I didn't
To face life and the world in front of me
At every whim my back I did turn
Away from you and them, but, me, I burned
An agonizing pain within gives way
Yielding to a façade of phoniness
Leading to a face of contentment and mediocrity
Entering into truth and knowledge and awareness
Acknowledging a fault line that separates me
Am I there yet?
I think I'm there waiting to walk in!

A convo I had...

2008-07-28T20:00:00.004-04:00

I was online and I don't get how people behave! I just wanted to post this short exchange!

otherdude: no im not a whacko - i assure u that...but hey, to each his own - every person who has come here has been treated with respect and kindness - yeah the sex has always been amazing but i always treat my guests kindly

ailedknight: I'm a nice guy as well, that don't mean I go over people's houses without knowing them! That's just not good sense!

otherdude: because believe it or not im a really nice guy

ailedknight: i don't think you get it! you don't know me! I don't know you! why would I come over your house?

otherdude: well thats what i want too - u wanna cum over?

ailedknight: going back to number 5 on my profile, I wanted a vers or vers btm for friendship with sex benefit on the side. There's a difference between that and a sex buddy!

To be more detailed, someone who is close to linden ???? area, close to my age

otherdude: umm so what r u lookin 4?!

ailedknight: not looking for anything long term either!

otherdude: wow awesome me too - love to play but im also lookin for possible long term

ailedknight: I'm not looking for anything instant!

otherdude: dude whats goin on - im lookin for now - cum on over...i think ur gorgeous...

got a cozy place here and live alone...got some really hot porn we can watch too while we play...

love to tongue kiss, make out, deep throat suck, lick nipples, rim ur hot ass, fuck

This is why people come up missing! This is why folks don't get what they are looking for because they don't take any sort of time to find exactly what they are looking for! Instead with what they see on the surface! I got more than a surface to me. I have some depth dammit! Let me show you the face of what I was denying!

He's by no means what you would call ugly! He is just too thirsty! So interested in nothing but sex! He could get it too! Where would it had left me? Right back on here doing the same thing I was doing before I met him!

Update!

2008-07-19T15:22:00.002-04:00

So, this dude, Caller Number 2, and I have been seeing each other on a not so frequent steady basis. We're content in the situations we are in. He is just leaving a relationship and isn't looking to get into another and I'm in a relationship not looking to hop from one to another. He thinks I'm a cool dude. I had to ask why? He said, "despite you steppin out on ya man, you are one cool dude! level headed, you have things going for you, attractive and the list could go on! I don't want ya head to pop, so I'll stop here!" I replied, "Thanks I guess!"

I'm good with this dude and my bf. Together I am sexually satisfied. I'm tired of the strain of looking for a dude on the side. Are they this, are they that? Do they do this, do they do that? All that is just too extra! I think I will take down my profile down off this website and call it a clean sweep. I mean why not? If i meet anyone else, I will just have to meet them in person. That's more of a challenge anyway! The chase, the giving out of your phone number, waiting to hear, its all a game of entertainment!

Nothing else is really happening with me. Good Day!

One for the Money, Two for the show, three...

2008-07-03T17:43:00.000-04:00

Yes, this blog contains snapshots of moments of my life. Mostly the moments that I am not proud of and the ones that need work. More recently I have been putting things out there that sound good in my head but still sound somewhat good in the open. Nonetheless, not as good as it did in my head. by reading what all EVERYONE had to say I must believe that I stand placed in correction.

I can remember two individuals that I had sex with, that beyond any doubt could not have known they were having sex with a positive guy. That goes because of the way we initially met. Everyone else the information is posted in my profile on that gay site! I am puttin my stuff on display because in the heat of the moment, in the past, I have slipped up! If they do not take the time to read what I have made available to them, that is no fault of mine! Yes it would be nice of me to render information the second time. I was told to take the time to read! As for this Law that some think I continually break, I will have to check into that. I make my status plainly available, If you didn't read that's your fault. I am currently using protection with all sex partners except that one that I think I mentioned in my previous post. I am not engaging in random sex, only with those that I know something about that I am attempting to get to know. All will know, if not already known, my status and will be able to make that choice on their own!

Yea I am a fucked up dude. I cheat on ol boy and he is cool with it. I have cut it down to only the ones you read about here. I used to have 2-3 times more sex. I'm talkin like sex like at least twice a day and not necessarily with the same guy. I am okay for right now only because I have a target in mind and I do intend on getting to where I want to be. Where do I want to be? I don't exactly know. That is the title of the blog is it not? Am I There Yet? No I'm not there yet, I will let you know when I get there...

Candidates! >edited words in red<

2008-06-26T09:04:00.001-04:00

Let me tell you about the candidates that I am choosing from. Don't you just love how I call them candidates? I feel like I'm creating my own lil Flavor Flave or I Love New York Show! I do feel like I can choose, since so many are tryin to holla at the kid! This is an interesting mix, and I am surprised that it has come down to these!

Caller number 1! He is 37 years old and mixed. Slim and 5'9". Sexy motha fucker! He lives with family and is only available during the morning and late at night! I can work with that. He's a vers bottom that has been aching to suck my dick and let me fuck him for 2 months or longer! This guy is local too! I haven't dismissed this guy only because he wants my dick so badly and he is local.
Caller number 2! Sexy, in his own way. Independent and has his own place and car. I've sexed with him once and I can't get him out of my mind! This is the dude that I was talking about in my last post! He's cool with me havin a boyfriend, and has actually met him on one occasion. We click. He's 30 and stands at 5'9". He is a bigger man though, in more ways than one! he got a thick 9.5 piece! I still like him though! Not that far away from me, maybe 20 mins... We have met up again. I wanted it to happen. The first time drew me back for more. We are into each other. His Dick, it did things and went places! I have one complaint. He is more of a sex jumpoff than a friend with benefits. There's that friend aspect to it, but it is mostly about sex.
Caller number 3! This guy is 38 and I have never seen his face pic. He promises that he looks good up and down but will not take a face pic. He has good talk. That is the only reason why he is in the running! lol Dismissed
Caller number 4! He's 27 years old and 5'10". Slim and toned build, and brown skinned. This guy can suck a mean mutha fuckin dick! He can eat a good ass out! He turned me the hell on just with his mouth! He has this nice shaped dick that, when positioned correctly, can go all the way down your throat! Its about 9 inches long and thick! I love it! He has some good ass too! DAMN! He has a boyfriend, no biggie! He's never home and always at work! He is sexy, but he is from some island. I can't understand much without asking to repeat! We haven't talked since this post was scripted. I'm not quite ready to dismiss him, but if a bitch don't call, dueces!
Caller number 5! He's like 25 at like 5'9" and has about a 7.5 inch dick! He is one of my friends friends. That is too close to my boyfriend and his friends. I love his dick though. He's a top! sigh... His dick is Dayum Good, but he is a top! I think I will at least consider it! I wanted a vers dude! I called this dude up for a convo. we were chattin. Its been months since we have had a in depth convo. Usually its a text exchange. the usual "whats good" or "how you doin" type of texts. I find out he has a boyfriend. I really don't wanna mess that up for him. I wanna send him a whats good sexy right now, but I don't think I will. I have to dismiss him! :-(
Caller number 6! This is a group rate! Him and his boyfriend want me to either of themselves or with them both! Both are sexy as hell, both are dl thug type, and live together. They are vers, which is a plus. One is 8 and the other is 9.5 both cut! I think I might shoot there after work today! They been trying to get me to pop thru for a while now! Well, I never got over there. The water remains untested. Maybe today I will see wassup. He's not that far from my job I realized. Maybe on lunch break today? :-)
Caller number 7! This guy is special! I love his dick and what he can do with it and make my insides feel! He wants me over so I can fuck him and he is only available a few days during the week. Thats ok. He lives in Passaic! That's a drive that I don't wanna make in my gas guzzler more than once a week! He is Puerto Rican, 30 y/o, 5'11", and sexy! He pleases me as the bottom and I wanna see whats going to happen when I see him bottom! I get the feeling that he is playing games with me. We would make a date and I would cancel all other possible dates to go see him. Then all of a sudden phone trouble. He goes offline. I'm not one for taking many hints. Just tell me whats good and I'm gone. You don't have to lie! We'll see how this unfolds. He is still in the running.
Caller number 8! He is 50, white, positive, and a freak. 10 minutes from my house he is very accessible, but he likes raw sex. I don't know if I can get past that. I have tried so hard to protect myself, I don't wanna do anything to worsen my case! Oh and his cum taste funny! ewww! Dismissed! I can't get over the idea that he is positive AND wants raw sex! Whether he's undetectable or not!
Caller Number 9! He is also up in age, but I think he isn't quite at 50 yet, lol! He's Jamaican and tall as fuck! He's 6'6" and towers me in every sense of the word! We have been communicating since like 2004. We have only met once, and it was recently during my lunch break. He drove 2 hours from upstate New York to see me! He is sexy for his age, and can make me laugh and smile. Down sides, he is married, and lives in upstate New York. He is a top! However he has money and is willing to come to see me whenever! Oh another down side, there is a emotional connection forming! I did not want that to happen! This might be another post real soon! He picked me up from my job one day. (My car was in the shop) We went over his place and chilled. There is way too much emotions going on in this guys head for me. "I love you", "you're beautiful inside and out", "You're mine now"!!! Absolutely not. At the very least we will have a casual friendship. He is dismissed!
Caller Number 10! He's 21 and bangin as all hell! He is a pretty boy in all senses of the word. He is a big dick vers bottom. 10 inches cut with a fat ass! He is this type of ghetto gangsta type of mentality. He is positive. We exchanged phone numbers and I believe that I could help him out a bit with dealing with it. He is depressed sometimes and struggles with it. The only bad thing about it is that he is gangsta as hell! He been in jail! lol I don't want him to pull a oozy out on me and shit! Anyway, we phone boned and that was cool. IDK what to do with this one at all!

I was going to post pictures, but you know how everybody knows everybody! I ain't trying to here that I done slept wit ya friend/lover/fuck buddy! lol Plus I don't know if they read or have blogs as well. Its a small world! Maybe I will take their faces out and show you their bodies or dick shots!

Running on E

2008-06-17T13:41:00.003-04:00

I am tired of being a whore. I am tired of being a hoe! I am fuckin tired of being a smut!

As of late I am lookin for somebody that I can call a friend and can do freaky stuff on the side. I still got Boo Boo wit me and things are ok. Actually things are touch and go. I mean he know that I mess around but we never talk about it. I come home and climb into bed with him and sex is cool. I actually think about what type of relationship I have created for myself. The emotional connection is dwindling. The sexual spontaneity in decreasing! I have digressed!

I want some chill and masculine! Straight acting if you will! Hey gotta have a big dick, and he gotta have a nice ass. I wanna be able to roll a blunt wit a dude, smoke a L and kick back wit a 40 if I wanted to. I wanna be able to clown out wit a dude! I wanna have a challenge in Soul Caliber, Madden and Checkers too! I want a cool friend that I can talk to and fuck with, but when its all said and done there is no commitment to each other. It sounds like I am asking for a boyfriend but without the commitment. I have one of those, why desire another? I'm greedy! I simply cannot think of another explanation!

Recently, I had a fuck session with this dude. I only went over to chill and watch a movie but things escalated to a level where My dick got hard. It all started with a kiss! It ended ip in him waving that ass in the air and me stickin my dick in it. When I tell you it was sooo soft and warm and pleasant. It made me wanna scream! I wasn't even lookin for any sex and I got it! I love it! He told me he would be takin my nut from me. I said huh? he told be to wait and see. He laid me back and rode my dick until white people became a minority! He bounced and bounced and rode up and down my dick until I let it out! He said, I told you I would take your cum! Followed by a smile.

We laid there and finished watching movie about fashion with Merril Streep, Devils May Cry or something... When that was over then he turned trhe tube off. I was in a dark room and he gave me a back massage. He worked my back so well I worked up another boner. I was moving my ass around in an uncontrollable way. I was feelin this massage. He started licking me and HELLO my ass was wet not too long afterwards. I moaned and moaned, in a manly way of course, lol! He told me if I wanted the dick is the only way I would get the dick! I said I wanted it, it took my mind back to My Friday Night. You might wanna revisit that post! lol. The dick was that good!

I wanna go back but every time he calls, I am always busy. I really am busy! I don't wanna keep blowing him off. He is not exactly the slimmest, tallest, manliest dude, but he is cool! His sex game is tight! I don't know, I wanna try to see him soon... That's where I am right now...

I slept in it!

2008-06-02T10:08:00.006-04:00

Last night I was bored and I had nothing to do. Everyone was out and doing their own thing with their perspective lovers and significant others. I sat and was lured into a rest of boredom. I was pissed that everyone was doing something and I wasn't. I woke up at around 2:30am and decided that I was going to meet up with someone. At the absolute very least, I would be with someone doing nothing. It was better than doing nothing.

I got over to ol' dudes crib in Orange. He is a visitor from the islands. Only here for about 3 weeks, I have wasted just over one weeks, but not quite two, on talking and emailing and instant messaging and communicating on a4a. I said, "enough is enough!" So, I met up with him and everything is going pretty well! I got over there about 3:00am and we was watching Law and Order on TBS, I think it was. Cool Its whatever... I was out of the apartment and I was busy.

Let me describe this guy. He stands at 6'6" and is very skinny. Brown skin and has touches of gray hair scattered throughout his head. It was kinda cute in a way! He was all of about 30 years old. He wasn't the most handsome dude I met but he was definitely holding his own.

He tells me at around 4ish that he is tired and he would like to get into bed. I am like cool, I can leave! I was feelin him but I don't invite myself into anyone's bed. Then comes the invitation. We get into the bed and are laying next to each other in our underwear and PJ's. Of course I am excited, in a way that you can't help but notice! He can now feel how excited that I am. so he rolls over and begins to feel and rub on me. I am liking this. I start to lick his nipples and kiss him and grind on him.

Let me slow this thing down before I finish the story all early! I start suckin his dick and eatin him out. I am loving it for real for real. I never enjoyed eatin ass before but I sure lubed his ass up so good with my tongue we didn't need any more lube! I started fingering that ass and he moaned and groaned. I went back to suckin his dick, it was about 7.5 inches and was sooo tasty. Never have a had an uncut dick that tasted sooo good. The look of it was even attractive! So, I was suckin him and fingering him and he asks for me to put it in. I was feelin him so I asked for a condom. I woulda brought my own but I wasn't expecting on having sex that night. I am glad I showered before I left the house! :-)

I slide the Magnum down my dick and he raised his ass up for me waiting to receive! He said, "This is my third time being fucked, handle it with care!" I said I got this! I slid it in and waited for his walls to relax around my dick. He said don't wait, stretch them out for me! I asked if he was sure and he responded, "yes!" I went in forcefully and stretched him out. We started fucking and watched the sun come all the way out! Damn! we went from his side to his back again, then to his other side ending up with him on his stomach. It was hot and felt good in every position. DAMN!

While on his stomach, he says, "I'm comin!" I am holding both of his hands at this point! I said, "huh?" he said, ""its comin out now!" He starts the moaning and groaning and shaking uncontrollably. I am feelin this shit! when he finished he said keep goin till I bust. It was like 5 more minutes before I wanted to bust. I climaxed and let out massive manly grunts that made me feel like a king! I loved every moment of it. I was tired though. All that energy so early in the morning had me zapped! I just laid there. Seconds turned into minutes and minutes started adding up. I heard him start to snore. I fell asleep right on his back! I never said I took my dick out of his ass, did I? Checkpoint, about 6am!

I woke up at about 8am and I was still hard and my dick was still inside the condom and still in his ass! He is still snoring! I started pumping again! he wakes up moaning and groaning to the dick going in and out. it could not have been 5 more minutes and I whispered I am about to nut. I let out another loud grunt. While I was nuttin he said keep going. I kept going and I kept feeding him the dick and I pushed another nut out of him. This time his hands are on the side of the bed and the other clenching at the sheets!

I slept in this guys ass last night and it felt GREAT!

Damn This Pussy

2008-05-15T12:22:00.003-04:00

I would normally hate when guys call my ass pussy, but I thought this was funny to hear. Let me lay down the scene for you .

I went over this guy's house, lets call him JJ. JJ and I are watching Don't be a Menace, while laying down on his futon or couch or whatever, and he was pulling me closer to him. Let me tell you about him. I was reserved at first because he was giving off some kinda wierd vibe. I was not yet comfortable. He sensed that and tried to make me comfortable. He reached up my shirt and began to rub and caress my nipples. I was now comfortable. lol

He asks to see me with just my underwear on, so he can see if my online pictures check out. So I strip and he says, the pictures do you no justice. I smiled and noticed him getting up. He pulled my underwear down and then started to rum and then suck my dick. Damn! He sat me down and threw my legs up in the air. He git my ass nice and wet with the member of his mouth. I was now comfortable and loose, thanks to his tongue.

He slid that condom on and right in it went! I was like okay! It was rubbing the right spots and I was feelin it! In and out over and over I loved it. He came and I busted a nice amount almost covering his chest. It was nice to look at. I left afterwards. Exchanged closing pleasantries and I was off. I get a text message, that pussy was good as hell! --- My wha?

The next day I get another text, I'm about to fuck this dude, but I'ma be thinkin about that good ass pussy you got while I'm fuckin him. I replied with an "iight lol!" The following day, I get another text saying damn, i can't get ya pussy outta my mind! When you gonna let me hit again! ---- I was taken back, my ass (pussy) was that good that you can't stop thinking about it? I was souped as hell!

To all y'all smuts and sluts, Whose pussy bring the boys to the yard?

Is It Me Or Situation?

2008-05-13T08:23:00.003-04:00

Damn I'm a fucking whore! I've been called on it and I'm a whore! The sad part about it is that I was a whore on a mission. That is not what it was intended to be like.

I am beginning to think that I will never be satisfied. Beginning to think that whatever I get, whoever I get will never satisfy me. I go for what I want and don't take no for an answer. I see some ass, I go get it! I see some dick I hop on it! What I didn't realize is the of once I get what I want, I will want more. More and more yet! Does the process end?

Do we ever get enough? Are we ever satisfied with what we have? If we have a million, now we want another. If you have a man, you want a woman too. If you are entangled in a relationship, you want a third, maybe a fourth or fifth, piece on the side! if you have a house you want a bigger one. One kid, you want two! WE DON'T STOP!

Is greed apart of human nature? Is everyone greedy? I tend to think so, and if you say you're not then you are just suppressing it! Is this concept too far out for anyone?

Let Me Tell You!

2008-04-29T12:34:00.000-04:00

Causalities were exchanged as we know each other formally. I entered his apartment and i was invited to have a seat on his bed. I made myself comfortable watching MTV. I watched trying to ignore Curiosity. We are two different beings...

[Curiosity, as i name my alter ego, is self defiant, does not pay attention to any rules and is all short of considerate. Curiosity is a whore that is in bondage that longs to be free. Curiosity is promiscuous and flirtatious. Curiosity is a bitch! Curiosity is inside of me trying ever so hard to escape and conquer the reigning King. I call the King, Me!

King Me is a passive conscious entity that is dominant in my body. King Me is moral and enjoys fairness. King Me is a pushover. Despite the dominant reign that is hovered over Curiosity, King Me stands stagnant in strength. Curiosity peeks through and oppresses King Me whenever possible. He will only fight Curiosity when situations get out of control. ]

I laid there next to a nicely toned, slim, and muscular yellow skinned man. Dressed in ankle socks, basketball shorts and a beater. I tried to focus on the music videos. I repeatedly lost battles to Curiosity trying not to look at him and his bulges in the many places where they comfortably rested. Curiosity moved me closer and closer while I still tried to distract him with the TV. I gave up as Curiosity took over.

Curiosity asked if he would like a massage. Yellow man replied, "if you would like to give one I will accept one!" T told him to strip down. He declined, I said, "can i take them off for you?" He consented with a head nod. I then began to rub his body beginning at his shoulders and ending at his toes avoiding the personal private areas. I asked would it be a problem if I gave different attention to the areas I didn't touch. He replied, "will it feel as good as the rest?" I responded, "if it doesn't, you can tell me to stop!"

I moved him on his back and massaged his chocolate morsel nipples with my tongue. His head dropped back. I continued downward to his dagger which was now poking me in a erected state. I closed my eyes and a hour passed as I listened to moans and felt the motions of his body shifting up and down left and right. The sounds and movements of ecstasy!

I asked one final question, "Can I slide a condom on you?" He said, "Fa sho!" I climbed on slowly stuck the head in. He said, "ohhhhh shit" and followed with a thrust that pushed pre-cum all on his stomach. I dosed out in a semiconscious state while he moved me from one position to another and back again!

Awakened by from the imaginary nirvana, a spot was hit. I wanted to nut. I was on top riding the stallion and he leaned be back revealing the full length of my dick. He shifted and began to suck my dick while I slid up and down that pleasure giver. I yelled, "ohhhh!" he came off and said, "yea nigga bust in my mouth while i bust in that ass..." He welcomed my dick in his mouth once again and shortly after his dick starts throbbing alerting me of his orgasm if I was deaf to his loud moans. By the throbbing of his dick massaging my insides and the spectacular tongue pleasuring my dick I began to coat his stomach with the fruit of my loins.

Let me tell you, HOT DAMN!

Torn In Between TheTwo!

2008-04-03T18:14:00.000-04:00

Okay, this is irregular that I would even think about posting three times in one month, let alone twice within a week but I wanted to get this off of my chest!

I have been talkin to this bangin 21 year old shorty. He is fine as fine could be! I thought that if I could bag this negro, I would never have to look for another dude again! I got a boyfriend and this fine dude that don't care that I have a boyfriend. So what he is 4 years younger than me its iight. He wanna suck my dick on the regular and rock my dick till it hurts, I have no problem with that at all!

Wait, there is one problem! before he meets me he wants to feel me out, get to know me. That's cool! So we are talking and talking, and talking some more. We address the man, and me being positive, I address the issue of him being fine as hell and still being single. Enter problem! Through talking with him, I get some kind of attachment going. Other wise known as strings! It was only supposed to be sex!

I now have a man that I am not leaving and a booty call (I keep thinking about how that ass will feel when I push my dick in) that I am catchin feelins for. I told him I had a bf cause I didn't want him gettin attached to me, but look at this shit, I am the motha fucka that gets attached! I can't take it, and I am about through with my mind and its unpredictability!

I think I did it right this time...

2008-03-25T09:54:00.003-04:00

OK, so I have a profile on one of those sex sites. Who doesn't right? but I said to myself let me delete my current name and come out with a new profile that was 100% truthful. I said that I was HIV positive and that I was in a open type of relationship. That puts everything on the table from the jump. Now lets fast forward...

This guy hits me up last night and asks me if I would meet him at a local restaurant for dinner. I said I really shouldn't because That is more romantic and I wasn't tryin to do that again... lol (refer to my last post). So he was like come on and even offered to pay! I said cool, alright, I'll go.

I get there and we are talking laughing and the usual topics come up with purpose to get to know each other. The meal was good. I had prime rib, garlic mashed potatoes and steamed spring mix vegetables. He even got me a glass of wine! I was agreeing with this guys personality already! He asked me if I wanted to go back to his place. Watch TV, have a drink... smoke. I politely informed him that I didn't smoke, he said no problem. I said OK (he just purchased me an outstandingly delectable meal, I can spend some time with him).

I get in the room and he said get comfortable. he left to check on something and said he would be right back. So I took my jacket and shoes off and was sitting there on his bed watching TV. So you know he lived with his momma, that's why I was in his bedroom! He comes back with briefs on. I was realizing what he meant by get comfortable! lol He had a great body, muscled cut and all!

We are now laying on the bed 69ing each other and he asks me if I am a top or bottom. I said versatile. He said nothing! He turns me over and eats me out! I'm thinking I'm going to be the bottom today. I lay there and toot up the bootay and enjoy! 5 min later he turns me around and gives me a thorough blowjob. left my dick wet and glistening. He sat on it. I was like huh? He sat on it!

No condom, no lube, and he made my dick fit in! I was like OOOOooohhhh Myyyy Godddddd!!!! It has been such a long time, years, since I topped someone raw. It was sooo good! It felt magnificent. It was warm, wet and clean, go figure lol! It was only a few moments before I wanted to climax. It was so good! He gets off and gets on his back and said go for it! I get in and I let him have it. He said don't nut in him and I was cool with that. We handled business and, together, we covered his stomach. That was indeed a glisten.

Afterthought, as I left his house, we never had a convo about me being positive. It is clearly there in the profile, should I have brought that up? Did I do enough by placing it in the profile? I'm kinda feeling bad about this...

How messed up is this?

2008-03-11T10:34:00.003-04:00

My Ex calls me up outta the clear blue sky and says what are you doing? I'm like nothing. He says well I'm in town and I'm going out to dinner and I don't like eating by myself so would you come with me. I said sure!

I get to the restaurant and we exchange pleasantries. Nothing major, nothing out of the ordinary. He begins to feel my leg and I am like turned on now! Keep in mind of my sex history and how this would seem normal. I felt this was unacceptable. This man makes love. I don't share intimacy with all those other dudes, I just share my dick and my nut! So we finish our food and leave walking in the parking lot. We start talking.

He invites me to his hotel, I declined. He tells me that he knows I want to. I agree by saying I do. But things are different now I have a man! (that just flew out of my mouth, Whoa!!!) He said do you remember my dick. I said yea. He asked if I remembered the way he held me. I said Yea. He wanted me to take a stroll down memory lane in the many times we turned every inch of all of the hotel rooms he stayed in a cum zone. I did in fact reminisce on those times. I was as hard as a hammer and leaking like a hose. Again he asked me if i wanted to come over. I replied no, but in a hesitant tone.

He gives me a hug. I hug him back and we are embracing each other. His massive meat against my meaty mass and he whispers in my ear, "are you sure?" I said, "NO!" He leads me to his Chrysler 300 and we are off to the hotel.

We enter and we laid on the bed clothed, still stabbing each other through our clothes. More hugging and caressing leads to clothing being taken off. We did the 69 for awhile. the moaning and groaning may of been heard across the hall. It was passionate head. He asked if I wanted to jerk off and I replied no. I stated I wanted more and he said no. HUH?

You got me hot and bothered for you and wantin that dick and you say no and offer to jerk off? I coulda did that on my own at my house! He asked what was wrong and i told him that he was wrong. Playin with my emotions and building me up for a sudden crash. I asked him calmly if i was gonna get some dick tonight and he said no. I dressed and left.

How messed up was that?

So Last night I...

2008-02-11T11:57:00.000-05:00

I was watching me. Imaging how the touch of me would feel. Wondering if it would feel different. The repetition of masturbation is redundant and exhausting. I wanted new.

I stared at the pc screen as I viewed what I was yearning for. I wanted to be in play. I wanted to be kid in action. I was alone and nobody was there. I wanted attention. I couldn't satisfy that need need by myself, or could I?

I strip naked performing an exceptionally great show. I turned myself on in a way i hadn't been aroused in a long while. Dick looked longer, thicker, and felt warmer than ever noticed before. Ohhhh...

I looked down with curiosity and was intrigued at where my mind was going. I thought and hesitated. I contemplated and decided to lean forward as far as I could and took a taste. I did it. It was GOOD! I wanted to do it again, but I wanted the pleasure to last a bit longer. I my imagination went to my bed and I followed.

I arrived at my bed and the quest for knowledge began. I felt myself and, feeling so good, I felt some more! My body's response was evident, i was leaking fluids in excess amounts.

I lay on the bed enjoying the path imagination led me down. I ventured for a second taste. To taste you and experience what you offer. It was soft and smooth with a pleasant taste. Nature's condiment elevated the experience. I wanted more.

I lifted my legs over my head, having gravity to help me out. I wanted more than a lick. I wanted to suck. after 10 minutes of trying, I attained my goal. I had my entire head of Dick in my mouth.

I left it there and my tongue went to work pleasuring myself like never before! To be sucking and getting sucked without a second party, simply bliss! I grabbed Dick and stroked him slowly. I felt an eruption rising. Dick started jumping in my mouth and in my hand. I started to tear, passion was near. My leg stiffened as Dick left a sweet dessert in my mouth.

So Last Night I sucked My Dick!

Nothing to Possibly Something

2008-01-16T10:28:00.001-05:00

I have been quite scarce and it is partly because that I don't have anything to share. I haven't been in any wild stories or sexcapades. Am I normal? I hope not! I really don't want this to be a dry post but I might need to end it here!

Ohh wait! This is some shit right here! Why didn't I remember this? Oh, something else as well!

Lets say I met an handsome, muscular, built, tall, brown skinned guy. He is HIV negative and he was wanting to give me some loving and a good dick down. My dick leaped after I typed that! :-) He was talkin about all he was going to do to me and I was feelin everything he was speakin! I HAD to tell him I was positive. He wanted me to bust in his mouth, he wanted to fuck me and eat me out and fuck me some more (repeat process), he wanted to give me a tongue bath and put all kinda sauces on me and lick/eat them off of me. I was about to cum while all of this was being requested! All I could say is yes yes yes yes YES YES YES YES!!! I was all on board. He said when he is finished, he wants to leave that nut up in me! I was like no no no no NO NO NO NO!

What the hell! I just got finished telling him I was positive! He wants to screw himself and mess up his life? He is only 18! On one side I told him and I had my bases covered. On the other side, I have compassion for him and all of a sudden care for someone's life that has nothing to do with mine... Does nobody care about their lives anymore?

My bf comes at me with another shocker just last week. He wants me to join him in an orgy. I was like what the hell! An orgy? I understand walking into one unexpectedly, like I have done before, but this is something completely new and different. I am not only at risk of anything going down, I put many of other dudes at risk!

Where did all of this care and concern come from? "I just wanna fuck, I just wanna fuck, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

"Hey Bay, We Need To Talk"

2007-12-30T05:26:00.000-05:00

So, I was sitting at the pc when I get an instant message on yahoo telling me that we need to talk. It was my Boyfriend. I said, "Is everything ok? Wassup? Are they hounding you at the job again?". He said, "All is cool, I just wanted to speak with you about something". We negotiated a time and met up at a diner for lunch. It was cool, I had a fettuccine bowl with shrimp chicken and broccoli. He had water and soup.

After the meal was finished he asked, "Am I enough?", I answered "Yes". He said, "Then what is it?" I was a little lost at this point. He told me that he knew about me cheating on him. My head sunk down. He said he was fine with it! I was shocked and turned about with confusion. I asked him to repeat himself. He did just the same and repeated the same words. What in Hell is happening here?

He said that he didn't have the sex drive that I was looking for but he sees that I truly care about him. He only asked that when I go out to other guys that I let him know who I fuck and who fucks me. My head is in space because this is sounding like a dream come true! I am thinking that there is a catch, no catch! this convo happened the day after Christmas. I

On Friday night, I wanted to hookup with this college professor, significantly older than myself, but having a playful and caring side to him. I called my dude and let him know I was meeting someone and he said fine and hung up the phone. We have been talking like every hour or more and the convo is so cool and mellow! I am falling for this guy little by little! He asked me to be open and honest with him and I want to be. I haven't told him about my HIV status yet. I am scared to in fear that he will never speak to me again! There is so much sexual tension between us that I know we will have sex eventually but damn, this will hurt I can feel it. It will hurt more if it comes out later, judging from past experiences!

My boyfriend knows I am cheating, and doesn't care, at least not very much. I am falling for a guy I am not being completely honest with, that is almost 3 times my age! Why don't I see these situations before they come my way!

That Ass Was TIGHT!!!

2007-12-03T12:23:00.001-05:00

I have never had sex like this before. I met up with a guy and we were talking. All of a sudden, he bum rushes me onto the bed! Straight tackled me! I said shyt, dude take it easy! I laid there and he was lickin me all over and I swear I was almost completely wet from his mouth. I wasn't quite in complete ecstasy but was comin close...

He slides a condom over my dick as it stood straight up in the air, completely erect. He sat on it fast and cried out "OH SHIT" I was like are you ok! lol! He said nothing and continued to ride. His ass was so tight, i felt the head of my dick growing even larger! All that pressure he was tryin to squeezed the nut from my dick. I was like, not yet.

I flipped him over, threw his legs behind his back and let him have what he wanted. A dickdown! I pounded and pounded and pounded some more. The moans came quickly and more often. He tried to jerk his dick I held his hands back and commanded he take the dick and he nuts when I say so! The freak was coming out.

I sat back and curled down and sucked his dick while he was feeling my throbbing dick in his tight ass. Four strokes and the dick starts moving in my mouth. I was surprised by a sweet nut that started to run out the side of my mouth. MMMMM! I said oh u like that? He said yea...

There was a problem I told him. he asked what, I replied "you nutted without me telling you to. I lifted his ass in the air and fucked him, fucked him, fucked him. I said, while he continuously moaned "yes papi yes papi", "this is what you get when you don't do what you are told!" He asked me can I nut again, i said yeah! 2 seconds later he bust all over his own face.

That spot you hit made me nut like crazy dude... I let him loose. He looked happy and tired. I washed off my dick after taking the condom off and came back into the room. He sucked me off and i nutted so quick. He kept on going i was like shit man i am good. he sounded, with my dick in his mouth, uh uhh! I was moaning at the sensitive sensation that was running through my dick and through the rest of my body. I nutted twice back to back. I fell asleep. he took the rest of my energy. I had no choice but to rest.

On my way out 2 hours later, he said maybe your boyfriend can join in next time. I thought maybe...

VeRy RaNdOm

2007-11-07T10:12:00.000-05:00

I want to feel your love
To be loved by you
As you care for me
I feel your love is true
To be there, as I place my
Lay my head upon you
I want to feel your presence
Touch your spirit while
You look at me and make me whole
This is personal, me and you
As I shout "I love you"
To be loved by you,
I get so excited, so excited
At the very thought of you
Love Love, Love Love, LOVE!

By: Me

Conversations with Dad

2007-10-27T04:17:00.000-04:00

My father and I were talking not too long ago about relationships. This was one of those out of the blue talks that you expect to not hear about in your mid twenties. He sat me down on the couch this past Wednesday and wanted to share some stories pertaining to my mother before they split up.

He asked me was I in a relationship before he began his story. I said no, he doesn't know I am gay! He began on telling me different things that my mom and he used to fight about. Things like: cooking, cleaning, shopping, spare time usage and a host of other behavioral things that came up in arguments and disputes. The base of the story is that not all relationships are destined for doom. They are not all glamour, peaches and cream either! He stated and I distinctly remembered hearing him say that each relationship is different and they each come with its own manual. Only me and my partner can read this manual and correctly interpret it. Don't look for anyone to explain your relationship because they will have you doing something you may not have done in the first place!

I sat there and I listened like a 5 year old getting a lecture from his parents. I was so attentive. I just received a life lesson! I thought I would share this. You never know who needs to hear some things sometime!

This Past March Affair

2007-10-15T12:29:00.000-04:00

I had an old friend from myspace. I’ve known him for maybe a year prior to meeting him in March. Good Friends! Well he asked me one day Why haven't you been down to see me? I told him that I was so very busy with work and my boyfriend. He said well bring your boyfriend too!

So, I planned a venture to down south Jersey to see him. The three of us was to go out to dinner. When the time came, my boyfriend couldn't go. I went anyway. I get to the address he gave me and went to the door and gave it a firm knock. He answered. I had jawdrop syndrome! I walked in and sat on the furthest couch in an attempt to be good. Two hours later after much conversation he asked me why are you all the way across the room? I don't bite! I laughed and moved a little closer. I sat on the same couch but at opposite ends. He turned the TV off and asked me what was the real reason why I sat to the north of his south pole lol! I told him because I was attracted to him and I was trying to be faithful to my man. He asked you wanna leave? I said Nah. He said that he didn't think I was gonna be this attractive in person, and I replied I had forgotten almost what you looked like! Another hour passed and I said I need to get back home. We did the man shake hug combo and felt each others HARDNESS. That had to have been the longest hug ever!

Fast Forward... I never left that night! I spent the night and we did the damn thing 3 times! His dick felt so good. He was making love to me! For real for real, that was love! We expressed that we felt a connection growing. I made time to sneak away to see him and so did he to me. all March long we was creepin. I had fallen in love with him. There presents the problem, I'm in a relationship with someone who loves me for me but want to get in a relationship with someone I am more compatible with. I thought it fair to tell him about my HIV status since I hadn't yet after plenty sex scenes! He blew up! Enraged! He said I should have told him before and it would have been fine! We still would have messed around! I broke his heart which broke mine! I was depressed. I couldn't get any comfort from anywhere... I had to deal with it on my own just like I always have to do.

March has come and gone, I have chased a man out of my life that had great potential! Since He has no idea who this is and doesn't even read blogs, Shout out to you Mark! I really do love you!

Over Before It Started

2007-10-10T09:17:00.000-04:00

I have been talking to this guy, outside of my relationship, for some number of months now. We have established a friendship that, to me, was borderline relationship. I would communicate with him everyday. We did the email thing, we did the instant message thing and we did the text thing. It was cool to have someone who finally could understand me from experience rather than acquired knowledge not derived from experience.

I liked his smile. He doesn't like his smile. He says it takes away from his "hoodness", whatever that means! He is taller than me at over 5'11" or more and dark-skinned in a chocolate tone. Not milk chocolate! He worked out twice a week. Not over doing it but keeping him fit and toned. I would not say he was defined but will definitely say he is sexy as all hell! He had broad shoulders with the muscular V as a body shape and that man v in the front leading to his manhood. He has a manly swagger. No sugar in his tank. I could take him places and nobody would know what the deal was. It was a change of pace from my boyfriend who was more petite than I. That's all I will say!

He gave me his number at like the third month, maybe fourth, into the communicative period. I never called, just texted. I only recently called him, about maybe 3 weeks ago. His voice made me melt. Deep, stricken with an accent and he sounded intellectual! He knew how to speak! We talked for about 30 minutes. It felt like so more. The entire conversation my face included smiles, big grins, laughter and rotated back and forth switching every few moments. It was a great 30 minutes I must say.

I am horny. It happens! While we have this friendship, all the while we flirt back and fourth. He has a boyfriend and so do I. My defenses were down and I was so vulnerable. I asked him to give him head. I new I could suck him off till he bust. I knew he would enjoy it. I knew he would say yes. He said NO! I said WHAT! NO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO? He shut me down. I was horny and going through some things with the bf for the past week or so. I needed action and he denied me. I asked is that no a definite or is it like now isn't a good time? He said probably more definite. I am stunned and shocked. He goes on to say he really likes me. He thinks I am sexy as hell. If we were alone, I don't know what we would do and for how long we would do it. That's how much I am attracted to you! While getting to know you, I have grown more attracted to you. At the same time, I can't do that to your boy! He loves you and that's messed up if I came between that.

It's unbelievable! It's incredible! I was shut down! The conversation took place for an hour on instant messenger and it felt like an eternity. It really felt like a breakup! My heart was torn. The possibility for anything more than what was present was completely taken away! I was robbed! All I wanted was to be the dude on the side. That's what he wanted! He wasn't gonna leave his dude and neither was I.

Left to mourn what never was.

Left to imagine what might have been.
Left to pick up the pieces of what was never formed to break.
We parted and its over before it started!

My Friday Night

2007-10-04T16:01:00.000-04:00

Friday night, I remember it as if it was yesterday. It was a traditional and normal day. I woke and went to work. I came home from work! No great detail in between, because there wasn't anything spectacular about it nor is the topic of the post! I got home and came online to check my messages.I had a message from some sexy dude. Intrigued, I click on his profile to see what he is about.

6'2"
11.5" dick and 7" thick
Muscular
Handsome
Said he's a porn star

I am turned on now! Let me read this message and see what he has to say! "whats hood pimpin?" I thought that I should reply in a less than nice fashion because of the way I was stepped to! Then I saw that he lived in NY. I'm gonna play with him now! I said "I'm chillin ma dude. u lookin real sexy nah mean? So whats a sexy ass dude like you lookin at jerzy dudes like me? Here is the kicker... when I got a response, I was in silence "I'm in jersey. I been peepin you for a good min but I was scared to holla" I thought me? you was scared to holla at me? I'm blushing! He sends another message before I could reply saying "I live closer than you think too! I saw you on the train one day, and I think we live in the same city" At this point I forgot that I had a boyfriend and I was making arrangements to meet him at his crib. here is how it went down...

I called him and he said come up to the 3rd floor. I come up he greets me at the door, DAMN! This mutha fucka is drop dead gorgeous! I was turned out before any kind of physical contact! He said have a seat on the couch. I sit. He asked how I got down I said it don't matter. He asked if I smoked and I said nah. He told me to suck his dick and I said sure! It was nice and thick just like his profile said it to be. I have been known for havin a big ass mouth, but his dick had my mouth open all the way and his dick filled up every space and air pocket that was imaginable. I took that dick and I sucked and deepthroated until I heard moaning! All I heard was "yea nigga yea nigga" followed by some "oh shits"! I had this dude liftin his legs up! I gave birth to that 11.5 inch baby and I went to lunch! I made him yell like a lil bitch. Get this, he asked me, " do you wanna get fucked?" That blew me, I was warmin up to bust a good one in him. had my condom in hand and lube in the other while my face was buried in his ass. I came up and said yea. He puts me on the back of the couch! I'm so scared that I'm not gonna be able to take it. Its like afoot long dick! he lubes me up and he goes in. I'm like oh shit I forgot to tell him to put a condom on! He said nah man, my name is R.A.W. for a reason. I almost had a fit... he held me down and said relax! I tried and I did, but was still uneasy about the whole thing.

He is slowly thrusting while opening me up and it doesn't take him a long time. He is in all the way within 5 minutes. Holding my stomach and still slowly thrusting. He starts playin with my dick and says "damn u still hard? you must really like that dick! most dudes I fuck they are soft the enitre time I be fuckin them" I said "well when I see something thats sexy I stay on brick" He starts it rough now and I'm taking it. It felts sooo good. He pushed my nut out one after another. We move from the couch to the bed after my second nut and his first. He put me on my back, and asks me if I could take it like this and I said yea man, just gimme that dick! He took my legs and went in so easy! It was soo hot that I had totally forgotten I was positive, forgot he ain't have no condom on, and forgot that I had a boyfriend of 5 years! He pushed 2 more nuts outta me. it had been about 2 hours of fuckin now. I was about ready to stop but he wasn't. He wanted one more nut, I said go for it. He kept on going and my body had started rejecting his dick. He needed to nut soon cause I was about to show I wasn't takin it so good now! He pulled out and nutted all over my face.

I left, after cleaning up, and got back home. No questions were asked I didn't bring anything up. I felt guilty. I had the time of my life and can't go back for more! Or can I? He called me yesterday and asked when we was gonna fuck again!

About Me

2007-10-03T14:34:00.000-04:00

Scorned to be positive, Destined for Greatness,Hindered by Circumstance! Its funny how life doesn't unravel the way you wish it to. Mystery revolves around choices, choices transform into results and there is only a 50/50 chance that you will get a reward or a consequence. The randomness of the world is frightening and prediction is futile.

Yes I am HIV positive and further information will come. I can be a bitch. I can be nice. I am a backstabber and a cheater! A double crosser yea, and a sneak! Do I seek compassion? NO! Do I need you to agree with me? NO! What I do want is your comments, criticism, concern, and remarks. I want feedback. I know what I am, somebody else is. I know what I hurt someone else has hurt. I don't want sympathy I want empathy!

I wish to simply vent the things that would cause me more hurt if I told the people I know. It would most definitely result in pain, hurt, anger, rage, bitterness and resentment. All of that is in me and needs to be released!